The Sage of Tail Fairy
by Minipa
Summary: Neglected and beaten, forgotten and tortured. NayROOTouque shall endure the pains and enter his new life in Earthland. Found by a dragon, forced to his limits, the question is: can he survive? The answer is... No. Harem, God-Like, Yaoi, partial High School AU, Bashing, and everything in between. Also, poll on who you want to be in the harem on my profile!
1. CH1 - An Outdated World

**Chapter 1 - An Outdated World**

**I remember removing this story because I was getting a bit to cancer for even my tastes, don't worry. The palindrome and ragey shit will not be put and this story will follow through as intended :)**

**This WILL BE A HAREM, make sure you check my profile for a poll on who you want to be in the harem!**

**Please, check out my poll…THE REVIEWS POWER ME LIKE HEROINE.**

***HEH *HEH *HEH.**

**Pairings are as follows: Naruto x !Transgendered Sasuke x Sakura x Mirajane x Erza x Ultear x !Genderbent Trump … *every girl here***

**Yaoi/Yuri lemon warning!**

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**IMPORTANT NOTE: MAKE SURE TO READ AT 1/2 SETTING FOR BEST PARAGRAPH SETTING.**

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Come one, come all; this shall be the greatest story to be told through time. This is a story about neglect, the first-born son of a man, who was so ugly, that everyone died.

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A long, long, long, long… 'long' x 1,000,000,000 …long, long, time ago, roughly about 18 years, 3 months, and 28 days. There was a village, by the name of KoH-No-HAH! No, not Koh-NO-hah, but KoH-No-HAH. Exactly! The leader, the master, the almighty Hokage, Minato Namikaze, who was known as the Mustard Flash, was in a death battle with the Nine-Tailed Fox, the ferocious Kyuubi No Yoko.

To the side, unknowingly to the Nine-Tails, there were two children, both with the colour of piss as their hair. Similarly, they had whisker marks on their faces, as if mirroring the fox's image.

The great fox, whom had just awoken from an unwilling hypnosis, frantically ran at his opponent, not attacking at all, as if trying to speak.

"PLEASE, HUMAN! YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME!"

The resounding rumble of the demon echoed across the landscape, stunning his cerulean-orbed opponent, eliciting a gasp of GREAT shock.

Snapping out of his daze, the great Mustard Flash's face contorted, his teeth gritting with great force.

"YOU WANNABE FURRY, WHY ARE YOU ATTACKING THE VILLAGE-"

"PLEASE, SEAL ME, I BEG OF YOU!"

The unwarranted interruption caused a great myriad of shocked gasps to sound across the forest, as if thousands were listening.

"What?!" His confusion was apparent, the fox's motives surprised him, as there were no words to describe his current predicament.

Immediately, the fox curled into a fetus position, his cries barely audible passed the feared whimpers.

"…Okay then. DEATH DEMON CONSUMING SEAL!" Almost immediately, the second ugliest of all motherfuckers materialized into existence. It forced the entire being of the fox into the children, but magically splitting the chakra into the girl, and the fox's consciousness into the boy.

"NOOOOOoooooo~~" An almost silent scream could be heard on the wind's breath. The fox's final words unheard to all but the Hoe-Kah-GAY.

* * *

**About 252,288,000 seconds later…**

A little boy, no older than 96 months, sat by himself beside the river. Loneliness was something common in his life, there were simply no companionship, not even from those that birthed him.

Of course, despite his life, his oh-so-horrible life, one where his sister had all the affection from his parents; he knew someday, it will get better. It wasn't that he knew someone would come and be the saviour, but it was that…he had hope.

"Hey Ugly Douche Face!"

The boy simply turned towards the voice, one he recognized. To his acceptance, he saw the judgemental face of the raven-onyx-licorice-lead-haired boy, Uchiha Sausage. It wasn't that he disliked him, but he actually hated him, with a passion. The raised fists of the charging boy could only mean one, and only one thing. Pain. Suffering.

It was amazing, just how the human body could adapt to pain, but never to stand against its cause.

His eyes began to water, and his lips tightened together to silence his own whimpers. A constant barrage of fists and sandals bombarded every inch of the piss-haired boy's form. Bruises formed all over his body, purple, disgusting marks that will be visible for all to see. Only the obvious marks, despite being revealed, will never be relevant.

The ten minutes of physical torture seemed to last an eternity. The cerulean-teal-orbed boy could only stare at the retreating form of his aggressor. Despite the blood running down his forehead, he could make out the black sweatpants, jacket, collar, earrings, black lipstick, evanescence T-shirt, eyeliner, the fucked up lollipop symbol, and assorted accessories that adorned his attacker.

Oh, how he wished that could have been him.

Hope.

It was something he will always hold on to, no matter how much hatred burned inside.

For soon, he shall become a legend of his own making…Narutoe Senju Uchiha Namikaze Uzumaki, the crush blusher of women, the hater of all that is noodley, the protector of all that is horrendous and appalling, and most of all…

The Fairy Sage Guardian, of Tail Fairy.

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**Chapter 1 Done! Next Chapter: A Bought-from-Craigslist Beginning!**

**Check out my profile for a poll on who you want in the Harem!**

**Make sure you guys check out my other stories!**

**Read my profile and join my Trope discussion forums!**

**[ROTLB: The Birth of the Light Bringer]**

**[ROTLB: Light of Fairies]**

**[Chef Ramsay]**

**[A God's Redemption]**

**[Minipa's Trope Discussion and How not to be Shit at Writing]**

**Minipa, out!**


	2. CH2 - Bombshell Kami-sama

**Chapter 2 - Bombshell Kami-Sama**

**The Harem will come soon!**

**Don't worry for you incest fans, his mom will be in it too!**

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Oh, how he wished that could have been him.

Hope.

It was something he will always hold on to, no matter how much hatred burned inside.

For soon, he shall become a legend of his own making…Narutoe Senju Uchiha Namikaze Uzumaki, the crusher of women, the hater of all that is noodley, the protector of all that is horrendous and appalling, and most of all…

The Sage, of Tail Fairy.

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Hours passed as our hero continued to lie in a pool of his own making; soon, the sun began to set, its radiant aura brushing over the tranquil village. With a tearful whimper, he pulled himself back to his feet, and began walking back to the place of his origin, where he knew his suffering would continue. Of course, there were squishing sounds every time he moved his feet in sync, for in his pants, was filled with excrement that had left his bowels without his own volition.

Despite that, the walk back was rather uneventful, not a single pair of orbs bothered to reflect their glows towards his own, most simply minding their own business, paying him no mind. As he reached his house, one that looked like was built yesterday, he knocked on the door, wishing…that they would finally answer today.

To his relief and hatred, the man, once hailed as the greatest of all heroes, the 3.14159265th Hokage, his father, or sperm donor - as many unintelligent folks would like to call him, met him face to face. The stare was uncomfortable as it could be, the two, while similar, were naught but strangers.

With slight hesitation, the older man relinquished the standoff, allowing the injured boy in.

"Hey Dad! Look what I hav-" The voice of a young girl seemingly stopped as she laid her brilliant violet orbs onto the new arrival.

"Why is _HE_ here?!" Her words were laced with venom, her accusation only emphasized by the finger she pointed, directly at the newcomer's face.

Of course, at this moment, all their attention was redirected at the weird cracking sound from above. With no warning, a large piano fell from the ceiling, crushing the boy at the entrance, spraying the strawberry-coloured liquid everywhere. The scent of lemongrass combined with metal filled the enclosure; blood, guts, and all that is unholy covered the once pristine floors of the mansion.

It might not have been the end he wanted, but it was certainly one _she_ wanted. 8 years, 0 months, 2 days, 12 hours, 34 minutes, 52.519 seconds; a lifetime of suffering, brought to an end, by the most unfortunate of accidents.

For he died, in pain and in vain, with blood and torture, all while shitting himself, again and again.

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As the darkness reigned supreme, his consciousness slipped away. There were no voices that he heard, no one to receive him from the other side.

If he had orbs, he would have closed them in preparation, for he had to be ready for the suffering that was bound to continue.

**"Awaken~"** A soft, angelic, majestic, harmonious, symphonic, melodious, mellifluous, sultry, yet playful voice beckoned to him.

Narutoe opened his heavy orblids, the brilliant light of the being in front reached his curious gaze. He allowed himself to bask in the unfamiliar warmth, one he could only think…was love.

Except it wasn't.

**"Greetings, NahROOTOE~~~ I am the great goddess, Kami-sama. Do you know where you are right now?" **

The 8-year-old turned towards the light, where the voice had come from. The blinding aura still cloaked the mysterious entity; its form was a mystery, a friendly mystery, but a mystery nonetheless.

"N-No." Astonishment was still obvious as the wide-orbed boy was still staring incredulously at the dying glow. If anyone else were in his position, warmth would have rushed to their nether regions, as the light diminished to reveal a true beauty in every sense of the word. Plump, pink lips with glossy, silky skin. White hair flowed like a melodic piece down the translucent scarf connected to a cloak of similar design. Of course, NapLUBETOE was yet an 8-year-old boy, he could not understand the allures of the female form. Worse of all, he was but a eunuch, not from birth, but from circumstance.

The silver lapels hugged her waist tight, barely allowing her voluptuous chest to breathe.

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**"You have suffered far enough…~~~ It is time you get another chance at life." **

_Another chance? Will I be able to be free of this pain?_

**"Indeed."**

Her unexpected reply elicited a soft gasp, to the women's amusement.

"Y-you can read my thoughts?"

The goddess simply smiled warmly in reply.

**"Now, now. Off you go~~~ Your new life…awaits."**

As if through the convenience of the plot, Narutoe simply closed his orbs in acceptance. Without warning, a bright light encompassed his entire form, carrying him towards the great beyond.

**_He'll grow up to be a perfect husband! Preparing mortals is my absolute desire! There is no flaw in my logic whatsoever in my journey to find the ideal mate. Oh yes! Can't forget to send his mother along with him! _**

To her knowledge, Naruto had the necessary parts for the act of breeding. Of course, even with her many powers, omniscience, was not one of them.

Instantly, a flash of red followed NAY-RUDE-TOAD, the silhouette or a woman could be seen struggling inside. Her red hair flailed all around the space as her screams followed suit.

_Destination…Earthland._

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**Chapter 2 Done! Next Chapter: Random Dragon out of nowhere!**

**Check out my profile for a poll on who you want in the Harem!**

**Make sure you guys check out my other stories!**

**Read my profile and join my Trope discussion forums!**

**[ROTLB: The Birth of the Light Bringer]**

**[ROTLB: Light of Fairies]**

**[Chef Ramsay]**

**[A God's Redemption]**

**[Minipa's Trope Discussion and How not to be Shit at Writing]**

**Minipa, out!**


	3. CH3 - To find a million strengths

**Chapter 3 - To find a million strengths**

**Time for a fuckton of training and also Kurama!**

**Is Kurama a girl? A boy? An aerial attack vehicle? NOBODY KNOWS!**

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**"Now, now. Off you go~~~ Your new life…awaits."**

As if through the convenience of the plot, Narutoe simply closed his eyes in acceptance. Without warning, a bright light encompassed his entire form, carrying him towards the great beyond.

**_He'll grow up to be a perfect husband! I just love mortals and preparing 8-year-old boys! My sexual orientation makes absolute sense! Oh yes, I need to send his mother with him, can't exactly leave that out!_**

To her knowledge, Naruto had the necessary parts for the act of breeding. Of course, even with her many powers, omniscience, was not one of them.

Instantly, a flash of red followed Narutoe, the silhouette or a woman could be seen struggling inside. Her red hair flailed all around the space as her screams followed suit.

_Destination…Earthland._

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Naruto travelled through what seemed to be an endless void. He could not feel himself moving, yet he could see a myriad of lights assaulting his vision. To the side, he could make out a familiar glow with a familiar tow, his mother.

All he could remember from his mom, was the menstrual-blood-red-hair and the concerned stares from her violet orbs. Incidentally, he would flashback to reminisce on all the times he wished she would speak up, to end his suffering. Now that his previous life had come to an end, he could finally look ahead with his head held high, and expect the best out of the unknown.

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A dozen sensations all battered his unchanged form as his orbs snapped wide open. Around him, was a storm raging from the Heavens to Earth. Constant bombardments of water drilled into his skin, all while a cacophony of deafening thunder roared in synchronization.

_All the pain I escaped, just for it to happen all over again…_

Narutoe once again pondered the unfairness of his existence. Death was welcome, by all means, to end it all. Yet, he could not find the courage to do it himself… he could only wish for another power, to do it instead. Almost spontaneously, his thoughts wondered to products meant for hygiene and cleanliness; why, he could never be sure.

His instincts of survival, one he thought he had lost, resurfaced from the depths of his mind, urging him to get to shelter. The devastation of the storm laid around him bare, not even the tallest of trees could withstand the winds. Narutoe knew, if he did not find a place to hide from the storm soon, his second chance would be used up in a blink of an orb.

To his relief, a large rocky enclosure merely sat to his right. It would be an adequate shelter from the torrents above, something that could protect him from yet another horrible demise.

**"YOU PESTILENT VERMIN!" **

Narutoe's heart skipped multiple beats as the rumbling voice reached his ears. Blue orbs met green as he stared into the slitted pupils of a magnificent scaled beast.

There was nothing that could even come close to describing the absolute terror in the boy's heart; a beast unlike any he had seen before, one that carried itself with power and authority, was mere inches away from him.

"I'm sorry… please, spare me!"

Narutoe did the only thing he knew how to do when faced with a more powerful adversary, to beg for his life. Unknowingly to Narutoe, the beast in question simply stared at him curiously, giving no indication to his intentions. Of course, the all-encompassing fear completely silenced all senses but one, pain. As he waited for his impending damnation, tears began to stream down his skeletal cheeks, creasing and wetting the feces-stained rags he wore around him.

**"I have decided."**

The beast, still shrouded by the darkness of the cave, stood to its full height and loomed over Narutoe like a mountain. Narutoe, in response, looked up to the beast, unsure of his fate, but accepting either way.

**"Seeing your pain, suffering, and tears that have nothing to do with myself as an individual, I have decided to teach you all my dragon slayer magic, raise you as a son, and make you my champion despite my unbearable hatred for your kind."**

Narutoe could barely understand the meaning behind its words, yet a small shrivel of hope began rising from the depths of his mind.

**"My name… is Hikari Hikaru Aki Nashi Kai Kaito Meiko Akimi Akeimi Akiko Sapphire, the Omni-Elemental All-Slayer God." **The dragon simply paused for dramatic effect, unsure whether or not its own brand of comedy was understood by his self-proclaimed pupil. Of course, seeing no reaction other than pure terror, the beast simply closed its massive orbs and relaxed its features.

**"Worry not, it is but a joke, that is not actually my name." **The dragon lifted a paw to emphasize his words, a massive orb directly meeting Narutoe's own.

Narutoe simply stared at the massive beast, its serrated canines still visible from the constant flashes of lightning. To the dragon's relief, the boy's fear gradually diminished, most likely being replaced with confusion from the absurdity of the situation.

"W-what is your real name?"

The innocent question simply elicited a rumbling laughter form the dragon.

**"My name is Hikari Hikaru Aki Nashi Kai Kaito Meiko Akimi Akeiki Akiko! Sapphire is a name used only by the most mentally deficient of mortals!"**

_I think Sapphire is kind of nice…_

**(Author's Note: No you don't.)**

_Yes sir._

"Hi uh… Hikari, M-my name is NahrudeToad."

**"Naruto?" **

"N-n-no, it's naprockturd."

The dragon seethed in contempt, a breath that seemed to warp reality escaping from its muzzle.

**"From now on! Your name is Ignoramus! You shall address me as…Lord of all Harems."**

"Y-yes sir."

The dragon left the cave in a huff, the torrential waters completely avoiding the dragon, as if following its command.

**"We start your training…NOW!"**

Naprockturd could do nothing about the elemental barrage that came his way. Nothing, except for another unwilling session of instantaneous defecation.

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**Chapter 3 Done! Next Chapter: Training and More Training Pt 1**

**Check out my profile for a poll on who you want in the Harem!**

**Make sure you guys check out my other stories!**

**Read my profile and join my Trope discussion forums!**

**[ROTLB: The Birth of the Light Bringer]**

**[ROTLB: Light of Fairies]**

**[Chef Ramsay]**

**[A God's Redemption]**

**[Minipa's Trope Discussion and How not to be Shit at Writing]**

**Minipa, out!**


	4. CH4 - Unnecessary Training

**Chapter 4 - Unnecessary Training**

The dragon seemingly seethed in contempt, a breath that seemed to warp reality escaped its muzzle.

**"From now on! Your name is Ignoramus! You shall address me as…Lord of all Harems."**

"Y-yes sir."

The dragon left the cave in a huff, the torrential waters completely avoided the dragon, as if following its command.

**"We start your training…NOW!"**

Narutoe could do nothing about the elemental barrage that came his way. Nothing, except for another unwilling session of instantaneous defecation.

* * *

Months passed as NahRudeToad developed acute bowel problems. After all, a repeated gag of spontaneous defecation used to redundancy could only lead to serious physical and mental health issues.

The slightly more aged boy looked down to the ground, where his supposed training schedule was carved.

_**4:30am - 6:30am: Anaerobic exercise, 10,000,000 repetitions of twelve movements in sets of 10,000 shall be done.**_

_**6:30am - 8:30am: Study 2,000 pages of known theoretical physics, shall be tested on the same day; perfection shall be expected.**_

_**8:30am - 8:31am: Cook and eat, extra time shall NOT be granted.**_

_**8:31am - 4:30pm: Combat training, you will be expected to continue with injuries.**_

_**4:30pm - 4:30pm and 15 seconds: 15 second lunch break, no extra time shall be granted.**_

_**4:30pm - 12:30am: Magical training, there will be zero breaks.**_

_**12:30am - 4:29am: Extreme anaerobic exercise, three times the amount of repetitions as the morning routine.**_

_**4:29am - 4:30am: Sleep.**_

_**Failure to comply will lead to immediate and brutal termination.**_

The spawn of the cucklord could only stare in shock at his absolute inhuman training schedule. Of course, considering he was the focus of the story, there will be no issue in terms of his ability to recuperate with mere seconds of rest.

The Sue of the Mary shall be on his side! With all the prowess of dual-coloured orbs, he shall not fail!

The boy, still stained with urine and feces, worked through all the movements of the exercise. Except he didn't. Considering he was an eight-year-old boy, there wasn't even the slightest possibility he could train for even a third of the amount he was meant to train. NahRudeToad could only stare in disbelief at the mere impossibility of his physical conditioning; the regiment was simply unrealistic. His body could not recover properly, and whoever had come up with this schedule had absolutely zero idea of the limits of the human body.

Limits were meant to be pushed, not redefined without proper pretenses.

Of course, after a single day of training that the broken boy could not complete whatsoever, it was completely clear that there would be no god-like strength to be given or earned, whichever term is more relatable as they can be used interchangeably in terms of dragon training.

**"You have disappointed me." **The dragon-without-motives simply loomed around his first and possibly last student. Not only did the boy fail to meet his expectations, but the eight-year-old's performance was absolutely appalling, atrocious, and everything disgusting. **"I had thought you better, but you proved to me that you are unable to truly push yourself."**

NayRueToe could only stare down in shame, while at the same time, in disbelief at the dragon. Such a routine was impossible, dragon or human. That was simply something that could not be debated, regardless of his age.

"This is beyond impossible!"

**"It is only impossible to the incompetent." **

"But-"

**"THERE ARE NO EXCUSES, IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO BE EXTERMINATED." **The magnificent beast opened its jaws, showing its serrated teeth. Wasting no time, the dragon leaped forward, eating NahRudeToad whole.

"What! No! I was supposed to have a new life, I was supposed to be a powerful heroooooo~"

His screams echoed throughout the meadow, getting softer and softer as his body was swallowed whole. There would be no more training, there would be no god-like, there would be no OOC Naruto Uzumaki Aki Sapphira, there shall be no harem, there shall be no emotional shallows, there shall be no canon character begging for forgiveness, there should be no Makarov or Council bashing, there shall be no Naruto x everyone, only death.

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**Epilogue**

Through years of suffering and pain, our hero has perished in the jaws of a dragon; a beast so magnificent, that he could overcome the boundaries of the Sue. The boy known as NahRudeToad, one who was born with the ability to remove the emotional depth of women and the rules of a proper plotline, would be unable to show his true skills.

He would not be able to find his true calling, to be the greatest mage of all, the sage of Tail Fairy.

Consumed by the dragon that promised to grant him strength, he was unable to follow through. A training so impossible, that even the gods themselves laughed at him. His whole life, he was ridiculed, neglected, and ignored in favour of his sister. The boy, he believed that he could show them, show everyone, that he was strong, that they _were wrong_. He would then refuse to forgive them, and allow the gods of creation to bash the people that hated him.

However, he would never get that chance. For his fate, being ignored and hated through his whole life, was to do die hated and unloved. There would be no goddess to save him this time, no one to give him another life. He will not suddenly become a casanova despite being punished his whole life.

All of his pains, all of his sorrows, was to make those that wronged him realize their mistakes. For him to show them that there would be no forgiveness. However, the family that was rid of him, was happy as they could be. The death of the boy, who could do nothing against the mental and physical torture, was a blessing to all.

Cool-nope-hat, the village, was so much happier without him. Their economy boomed after the death of the boy, business flourished, and happiness increased. His sister, with all the chakra, was able to master all of the Nine-Tail's power without succumbing to the hatred. She fell in love with Uchiha Sausage, allowing her to rebuild the most powerful clan to ever exist, through the combination of Senju and Uchiha blood.

The two defeated Uchiha Madara with the power of love, as well as the Rinnegan, which ushered the entire Shinobi world into an era of peace, one that was not seen in its history.

All because, of the death of one boy; a boy filled with all the world's hate, an unwilling sacrifice.

Despite being eaten, the hatred of the Nine-Tails forced him to continue to be alive. He would be digested over and over, healing again and again, forever remaining in the dragon's stomach, as a part of his former self.

A boy, one who did no wrong, was condemned to a fate undeserving, all because of circumstance.

There would be no redemption. There was no more second chances. He shall die as he lived: forgotten, unloved, in pain and in vain.

So ends the story, before it had even began, of the Sage of Tail Fairy.

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**The End?**


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